Keeping Up With the Kalashnikovs

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Life in Killiney has become a nerve-shredding plate-spinning act . . .

My nerdish friend and former teammate, Fionn de Barra, has been kidnapped in Uganda by a ruthless criminal gang, which is demanding a $5m ransom for his safe release.

As if that wasn't worrying enough, Sorcha is pregnant with triplets, my mother is showing traces of suspicious white powder around her nostrils and my scheming eight-year-old daughter is quietly cooking up her most evil plot yet.

In a rare moment of clarity I realize that what I really need to do is to hunt down Fionn's kidnappers and free him. Armed with nothing more than a Lions jersey and a bottle of sunscreen - factor five - I set off for Africa with my three most trusted Castlerock College teammates to face what will be the toughest opponent of our lives.

Even tougher than Clongowes.

Praise for Ross O'Carroll-Kelly:

'Addictive.' RTÉ Guide

'Side-achingly funny.' Sunday Business Post

'Our nation's great satirist . . . the most sustained feat of comic writing in Irish literature.' Irish Times